I Looked For You
by CrispyBaconbits
Summary: Britta Perry has been running away her entire life. Her past is something she's hidden from the group because it's simply too painful. But when the one thing from her past that she didn't want to lose suddenly comes back after 10 years, she has to finally stop running...and explain everything to the group. Inspired by the movie "Gardens of the Night". Warning: Dark Themes.
1. Donnie

**A/N:** _This fic is inspired by a movie called "Gardens of the Night. It's a movie that Gillian Jacobs starred in, and if you haven't seen it you really should. It's kind of hard to watch because of the subject matter, but I still thought it was really good. Anyway, I wrote this because I only saw the movie a couple days ago and I thought it would be fun to merge both the movie and Community. If you haven't seen the movie that's okay, it's not necessary. The fic will explain everything. Enjoy and Review! **(By the way, in case you're wondering The Black Book has been discontinued. The reason for this is because I simply couldn't come up with anything else and I'm sorry for those of you who were enjoying it. I promise I don't usually discontinue fics, but I just wasn't feeling it anymore with that one.) **_

* * *

It's been like a week or something since school started up again.

So naturally, it's no surprise that Annie would coming running into the study room today with a list of about 50 million things that she's doing at Greendale this year _in addition to what we're required to do._

"Guys!" she exclaims in her usual 'cheerfully-enthusiastic-but-confusing-because-no-one-should-ever-be-this-excited-about-anything-Greendale-related' tone. "Guess what I'm doing this year?"

I look expectantly at Jeff, the man notorious for having no qualms about shutting down anything with a face that's less pretty than his own. And not surprisingly, he doesn't fail to deliver the goods.

"Do we have to? Because I'd really like to leave this room today and not a week from now when your list has finally run its course."

_Classic Winger._

For all of two seconds, Annie shows a noticeable pout before perking up considerably again and I just know that she's going to act like she didn't even hear Jeff. I mentally give her a high-five; that's my go-to with the snobby douche as well.

"What are you doing this year, An-nie?" asks Shirley in her not-so-innocent Ms. Piggy voice. I still wonder to this day why she insists on using it even though it's been ruined forever. I mean...doesn't she just have a regular voice? Is there no medium between annoyingly sweet and utterly terrifying sass?

I'm jarred from my thoughts when Annie's excitement once again sounds throughout the study room.

"I signed up for Greendale Guidance!"

The reaction from us is about the same as it always is at the beginning of every year when Annie gives us her exciting news.

Deadpan and uninterested.

Shirley's wall of intrigue noticeably crumbles. "Oh, well...that's...nice?"

_Classic Bennett._

Well, we might as well give her credit for saying anything at all as the rest of us have returned to _looking _like we're studying, as per usual. As expected, Annie huffs and finally takes her seat across from me. She looks thoroughly put out, but on the other hand she should have expected this by now.

"You could at least _act_ excited for me, guys..."

Nobody's looking at her, but everyone knows what's going on right now – Annie's Disney-facing the entire group. Even though we've built up an immunity over the years, we also know that when you have something like a textbook to distract you it's better to just not look at all. I chance a sideways glance at Jeff and immediately find myself smirking, as it's evident that he's clearly trying the hardest not to look at Annie. For some reason, he has to try twice as hard as the rest of us at not succumbing to the effects of Princess Pitiful. I love Annie, but she really has to learn to just deal with the fact that no one is just going to feel bad for you all the time. I had to learn that the hard way back when...

...never mind.

Finally, Winger breaks the intensely awkward silence. What a surprise...

"We're sorry, Annie. What is Greendale Guidance?"

Annie perks up considerably and flashes Jeff a cute smile, and I find myself smiling at the two of them as well. I can't deny that their moments like this have begun to grow on me. A part of me knows why too...

I take a moment of my own to glance in Troy's direction, flashing him a smile of my own. He looks confused at first, but soon reciprocates. I look away when I start to feel my face getting slightly warm.

_Why is he so goddamn adorable..._

It's around this time that I decide to tune back into the conversation at hand, and it's a good thing I did because it suddenly looks a lot more interesting that it did a minute ago. Annie's flailing her arms about and Jeff's sitting back in his chair looking very uninterested again.

_Great...Winger fucked it up again._

"...I don't need you telling me to be careful! You know that he's harmless right? Are you jealous because it's a guy that's not you?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Annie. I'm just saying you don't know anything about this guy and he's been living on the street for like his whole life. I think it's acceptable for me to be worried in this case."

"Jeff...he needs my help. He needs _our_ help. You know he can't even read?"

And now I'm officially listening.

I stick my palm out towards Annie to get her attention. She stops mid-rant to give me a surprised look.

"What did you say this program thing was again, Annie?" I ask hesitantly. I don't know what I look like, but judging from the thoughts going through my mind at the moment and the look on Annie's face I bet it's not really the way I normally look.

_It can't be..._

"Greendale Guidance? It's a program the Dean set up this year for us. We take in people from the street and give them a shot at having a real future. It's really inspiring. I met my student today."

I know what I want to ask, but the question is refusing to leave my mouth. Maybe it's because I'm a little afraid to know the answer. But the urge to find out for sure eventually wins out.

"N-name?"

Annie suddenly looks concerned. I don't blame her. I can feel my hands shaking, and I don't even want to know what my face looks like at the moment.

"Britta, are you alright?"

I recognize the voice as Troy's, which calms me down a little bit. I also realize that this isn't some therapy session between me and Annie. I'm suddenly very aware that the rest of the group is still here and they're probably really creeped out by me right now. So, I decide to recompose myself somewhat before addressing Annie again.

"What is his name, Annie?"

She still looks concerned, but I silently thank her for answering me anyway. I just need to know...

"Um...Donnie."

I feel my heart sink instantly.

_Donnie..._

That confirmed it. Even though I didn't get a last name, I knew. I knew it was him. I knew it was _my _Donnie. The only one that could ever understand who I really am. The only person who was there for me throughout the darkest parts of my life. The only part of my past that I _didn't_ want to forget...

Donnie...my brother.

Suddenly, the study room feels too small. Everything feels too small. Before I can even ask my brain why, I'm running out of the library, totally ignoring the voices of my friends.

I don't even know where I'm going...just like back in the day.


	2. Cigarettes

**A/N:** _New names are introduced in this chapter but I promise you'll find out who they are in due time! Just bear with me and reviews are welcome as always! Also, I wanted to add dialogue straight from the movie but I decided against it since I think it'd be more fun to come up with some of my own. If you've seen the movie don't worry I promise everyone will still be in character!_

* * *

"_Leslie?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_Do you ever think about Alex and Frank?"_

"_...no."_

"_...I do."_

"_Why?"_

"_Well...I mean if I didn't meet them, I wouldn't have met you."_

"_...I guess that's true."_

"_You're the only one who hasn't left me."_

"_Same." _

"_You mean a lot to me, Leslie." _

"_Same."_

"_..."_

"_Get some rest, Donnie."_

"_What for? It's not like we have anywhere to be tomorrow."_

"_Well, I'm tired. And we need money for cigarettes again."_

"_We need money for a lot of things..."_

* * *

Annie walked back into the study room, her shoulders slumped.

"I couldn't find her..." she said regretfully.

"Where could she have gone?" asked an increasingly panicking Troy.

Shirley looked over at Britta's empty chair, "I'm worried. We should find her."

"Like a search party? Cool, I'm in," said Abed with a small trace of enthusiasm in his voice.

"What the hell's the matter with you all? She's been gone for like 20 minutes! Maybe she just went home early!" said a confused Pierce.

The group went silent, acknowledging that Pierce might actually be right for once. Finally Jeff stood up, preparing to pacify the group yet again with a speech.

"Look you guys, even though Pierce is right which is extremely disturbing, we'll deal with that later. The point is that Britta obviously knows whoever this Donnie guy is and is trying to deal with seeing him again. My guess is that she hasn't seen him in a while or something, and knowing Britta, he's probably another psychotic ex-boyfriend. Why don't we all just give her some space to deal with this? It's not like he has a phone so she won't be calling him, and besides, she lives with the three of you now so maybe you guys can talk to her later about it. I say we just call it a day."

Troy, Abed and Annie exchanged glances before noticeably relaxing and packing up their books. The rest of the group soon followed and got up to leave, but Troy held Annie back.

Annie turned to him, "What is it?"

"Well," he started, "it's just that you know Britta. If this guy is another ex-boyfriend of hers-"

Annie put her hand on Troy's chest, interrupting him, "Troy, don't worry. We've dealt with this before with Blade remember? I'll be seeing this guy more than the rest of us so I'll make sure he doesn't pose a threat. And if Britta does show signs of wanting to get back together with him she'll probably regret it so I'll make sure that doesn't happen, okay?"

Troy relaxed noticeably and gave Annie a small smile, "Thanks, Annie. That's what I was getting at. We just can't have this guy messing with the group, y'know?"

Annie gave him a sly grin, "That's not what you're really worried about, is it Troy?"

He looked down at the ground embarrassed, making Annie giggle.

"When are you going to ask her out?" she asked excitedly.

"I'm working on it okay? It's just...hard." said Troy quietly.

Annie looked up at him with a serious expression, "Well you've got to do it. Shirley once told me that you can either roll the dice or lose a turn when it comes to relationships. Love is a gamble...always."

He nodded, "I'm going to roll them."

Annie's bright smile returned to her face, "And don't wait too long, okay? That's never a good thing, trust me."

Troy smiled and hugged her.

"Right. Thanks again, Annie."

* * *

I didn't even realize where I was until I was actually inside. I hadn't been inside this corner store since around the middle of my first year at Greendale. I stopped going after the temptation was too strong to handle. But now I was back, and I felt a wave of disappointment come over me as I walked over to the counter.

"Hey, Frank."

"Britta? Wow, it's good to see you! It's been a while."

I gave the owner a tiny smile, "Yeah...3 years."

"So what can I get you?"

I sighed, knowing that I was going to do this now whether I liked it or not.

"Pack of cigarettes."

The man's smile suddenly faltered. I just looked at him expectantly.

"Britta I don't think-"

"Just do it okay?"

He sighed, "Alright. That'll be $6.25."

I gave him the money and took the pack before practically running out of the store. I still didn't know where I was going; it was like my brain was working on autopilot. What I did know was that so far I didn't like where it was taking me.

A little later I found myself opening the pack of smokes and lighting one up before I could stop myself. It was late, probably around 1 in the morning. I had felt my phone go off 6 times, but I never bothered to check it. I just felt like standing here; it was almost as if I was waiting for someone, even though I had no idea who. As I stood there, a car soon pulled up to me. Its tinted window rolled down to reveal a man looking to be in his 40s. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"How much?"

I blinked at him, "Excuse me?"

"How much for your...uh...services?" he clarified.

_Oh._

I looked around at my surroundings. Indeed, I was standing on a street corner. The area I was in looked foreign to me. I knew it was still Greendale, after all I hadn't been out THAT long. But it looked to be much dirtier. There were people on the streets, but they didn't necessarily look friendly, or even hygienic for that matter.

...I had walked over to Greendale's Red Light District.

The disturbing part about it was that I didn't even notice I was doing it. I just let my body take me where it wanted to go, and suddenly here I was. Not only that, but even though I had never been here before...the place felt somehow comforting...like I belonged here. It made me sick to my stomach.

I looked back at the driver, simultaneously throwing my cigarette to the ground.

"Fuck off."

The driver didn't even flinch, "You know sweetums, if you don't want to be mistaken for a whore than maybe you should choose a new place to smoke."

With that, the driver rolled his window back up and drove off. I flipped him off as he sped away.

_What the hell is happening to me? I'm not being myself, I'm being..._

I heard Donnie's voice in my head.

"_Leslie."_

I screamed. I don't know how loud or why I even did it, but I actually screamed. I took out the almost-full pack of cigarettes and viciously threw them to the ground before running away. After about 10 seconds, I broke out into a full blown sprint. While I was running I could feel myself tearing up. I needed to get back to the Greendale I knew. I needed to get back to the study group. I needed to get back to Troy.

_I needed to get back to Britta.  
_

* * *

Troy was pacing the room, becoming more alarmed by the second.

"She hasn't answered any of our texts. It's not like her to just leave without telling anyone."

Annie was leaning against the counter deep in thought.

"Jeff said she just needs some space. Let's just wait it out for tonight and if she doesn't come back we'll start to take action, okay? I have my first meeting with this Donnie guy tomorrow too, so I can ask him if he knows anything about where she went if she still doesn't show up."

Troy stopped pacing and threw his fist onto the table, "I'm gonna kill that guy."

Annie glared at him, "Troy, that's not fair and you know it isn't. You don't know anything about him. None of us do. It's not fair that we're labeling him as such a bad guy already. We haven't even met him."

Abed meanwhile was sitting in his recliner, peacefully eating buttered noodles while watching television and quietly humming to himself. Troy stopped pacing to glare at him, causing Abed to simply cock his head to the side and furrow his brow slightly.

"What's with you dude? Are you not worried about Britta at all?"

Abed simply replied, "No, not really" before turning back to the television. Annie's eyes widened and she let out a tiny squeak of surprise.

"Abed! How can you say that?" she asked, offended.

Abed stood up and went to put his empty bowl in the sink before turning to his two friends.

"Well first of all, Britta's a lot smarter than we give her credit for. If she does run into trouble she could probably handle herself alright, at least long enough to call the cops. Second, this whole situation is following the whole 'trying to forget the past' trope. It's usually used in movies where the main character can't bear to deal with whatever they've been through when they grew up, so they resort to acting like it never happened."

Annie and Troy just stared at him. Abed stared right back, as if what he said didn't require anymore explanation. Finally after a rather awkward minute of staring at each other, Annie broke the silence.

"...what does that have to do with our current predicament, Abed?"

Abed started pacing the room, mirroring Troy's actions from before.

"Well, let's look at what we know. Britta apparently knows this guy Donnie. Seeing as we don't know him, obviously that means he's a part of Britta's past. Judging from the way she reacted today, I would guess that either there's bad blood between them, or they both share a painful past. It might even be both. Regardless, that's the angle usually taken in these kinds of movies."

"But what does that have to do with where she went?" asked Annie, sounding intrigued now.

"Well she _did _kind of bolt out of the study room. Maybe she just doesn't want to explain the situation to us yet?" said Troy, finally piecing together the situation.

"But she knows that she'll have to explain it to us at the very least since we live with her, and that probably means if she sees us tomorrow she'll do it – most likely during study group," said Abed matter-of-factly.

"So that means that she's likely just spending some time alone trying to figure out how she'll tell us!" said a now relieved Annie.

"Either that or she's doing something she used to do in her past. Probably something dangerous, seeing as this Donnie guy apparently grew up on the street," said Abed in his usual monotone. This caused Annie and Troy's newly acquired relief to quickly diminish and they regressed back into panic mode.

"We have to find her and stop her!" they both said simultaneously.

For the first time, Abed's raised his regular voice. "No you don't," he said sternly. "Almost all of these situations culminate in the main character seeing their own actions and coming back to their source of support – in this case, that's us. But we need to let Britta realize this by herself, otherwise she might end up doing the opposite and going back to living whatever her old life was like."

Troy and Annie, surprised both by Abed's sudden change of tone and the truth in his words, silently nodded.

"Abed's right..." said Troy. "Britta needs to realize what she's doing herself. I just hope it isn't something too bad..."

Annie lay her hand on his arm gently, "I'm sure it's nothing too bad, Troy. It's like Abed said, she's smarter than we give her credit for. Let's just go to bed alright? It's almost 2 in the morning." Troy just nodded, glancing at the front door before he walked inside the blanket fort.

_I hope you're okay..._


	3. The Jungle Book

**A/N:** _Okay, so here's your first taste of Donnie. I tried to make him have a bit of an attitude but also show his softer side. This chapter is mainly back story and doesn't have Britta's POV, but it's important for those of you who haven't seen the movie and I still think it's a good chapter regardless. I also tried to make this chapter a bit more heartfelt. Enjoy and review :)_

* * *

Annie walked into the library a bit apprehensively. After what had happened with Britta yesterday, she wasn't sure what to expect. But she knew that besides whatever history the guy might have with Britta, Donnie was still just as important as the rest of the people that applied to Greendale Guidance.

But she was also a bit nervous for a different reason.

Annie had faced some hardship in her life, there was no denying that. But compared to the man she was about to meet, she was almost certain her life would soon look like sugar and rainbows. She couldn't even imagine what a life on the street would be like. How did this man get by? What did he have to do to survive?

Annie didn't want to think about it, but the topic was definitely going to come up when they had their introductory meeting. She was also more nervous than curious to find out what Donnie's actual history with Britta was. Annie had always known Britta to be somewhat of a role model; Britta was always much more composed and in control of herself than Annie was, and although she hated to admit it, there were moments where she was more mature as well.

But the one thing Britta wasn't was talkative when it came to her past. Annie understood that to a point, as her own past wasn't her favourite thing to talk about either. But at least the group knew what Annie had been through to a point – Britta didn't tell the group anything about her past. The only one that she suspected knew anything about it was Abed, and the only reason she thought he knew was because of that day where Britta had tried to give him therapy alone after Troy left for The Air Conditioning Repair School. Annie remembered seeing Britta in the Greendale makeshift courthouse later that day looking much more gloomy and depressed. It made her sad, and it was the first time Annie had suspected that Britta had endured a much more painful life than she initially thought.

As she rounded a corner, she spotted a man sitting by himself at a table in the back of the library. He was black, and was wearing a gray sweater with his hood up and loose fitting jeans. His hands were hidden in the front pocket of his sweater, and hanging out of his mouth was a cigarette. What surprised Annie the most however, was his resemblance to Troy. It wasn't spot on, but she thought she could see something of Troy in his features. His expression however, was very different than Troy's. While Troy was usually happy and cheerful, this guy looked rather bored. He didn't look too enthused to be there, which confused Annie to a point. What was this guy doing here if he didn't want help?

Annie nervously walked up to him, and he looked up at her expectantly. Even though she was somewhat confident in her interviewing abilities on the walk over here, under the man's gaze she suddenly felt all her thoughts and questions she'd prepared getting all mismatched and jumbled up. She took a deep breath before speaking, causing the man to raise his eyebrow at her.

"Um...are you Donnie?"

The man's blank expression didn't change. It reminded Annie of Abed, except this guy's expression showed the smallest hints of sadness, irritation...and maybe pain. She felt her heart break a little for him. Finally he answered her in a rather irritated tone.

"Last time I checked."

Annie forced herself to smile at the witty remark, "Oh, great! My name's Annie Edison. I'm the one that's going to help you get back on your feet."

Donnie still didn't look interested and took his cigarette out of his mouth, blowing smoke into the empty area beside him. Annie was at least grateful that he didn't blow it straight into her face.

"Whatever. Look, how long is this whole thing gonna take?"

Annie frowned a bit at how unenthusiastic Donnie seemed with this whole thing. It reminded her of the group's initial reaction to it.

"Well, I guess that depends on how willing you are to get off the streets. But we'll get to that later. Right now I just want to know about you. Oh...by the way, I don't think we can smoke in here. Sorry."

Donnie grinned, "Who's going to stop me? You're the only one who seems to have a problem with it. Even though I'm trying to_ not_ smoke in your face."

Annie didn't have a retort to this, and she supposed the guy had a point. She shook off the slightly rude vibe she was getting from Donnie and continued with the interview.

"Okay, fair enough. So anyway...where did you grow up, Donnie?"

The man's grin faltered and he went back to looking slightly irritated, "You mind if we don't get into that? Not the greatest memories."

Annie nodded. She knew going in that getting anything out of this guy was going to be tough, and she knew the best way to handle it was to make him feel comfortable and to be patient with him.

"That's absolutely fine, Donnie. What about family? Can you tell me if you have any family out there?" she asked politely. Annie hoped her tone would brighten up the man a bit, but on the other hand she knew the subject matter was probably going to inspire the opposite reaction to happen.

As expected, Donnie's expression didn't change, "Only a sister."

Annie smiled and nodded, writing that particular fact down in her notebook, "Okay, that's great. What's her name?"

Donnie's expression suddenly changed to being more solemn and he looked down at the table, "It's Leslie."

Annie noted this in her book. She knew what she wanted to ask but she was currently trying to figure out how to phrase it. She thought Donnie was waiting for her to respond, but when she looked at him he seemed to be deep in thought himself.

"Oh, that's a nice name. So have you contacted her recently?"

Donnie looked back up at Annie, his annoyed expression returning again.

"I've been trying. For eleven years."

Annie's eyes widened, "You've been homeless for eleven years? Why didn't you try to get help sooner?"

Donnie then did something unexpected – he laughed. It was short and not very powerful, but it was a laugh nonetheless. Annie however, was still confused and shocked.

"It was actually fourteen years, but the first three we're actually not too bad. I mean, for those years I wasn't alone. I had my sister for those years, but we got separated one day and I never saw her again."

Annie leaned forward slightly, her intrigue now starting to take over her professionalism.

"You're sister was also homeless? So did you have to take care her?"

A small smile formed on Donnie's lips, "I would say we took care of each other. She was the only person I had, and I was the only person she had. We knew other people in our situation, but I only ever trusted Leslie. I grew up with her since we were kids...she was my best friend. After I lost her, the only thing keeping me going was the thought that I might be able to find her."

Annie was happy that Donnie was finally opening up to her, but she was also heartbroken. She didn't want to bring it up, but after eleven years she assumed that this woman was probably dead now. But Donnie was still living in these horrible conditions, based only on the fact that he could get her back. It made her feel like crying.

"That's so sweet, Donnie. Do you have a particularly fond memory with her?"

Donnie smiled again, but looked down at the table, "Yeah. The Jungle Book."

Annie furrowed her brow in confusion, "The Jungle Book?"

The man laughed, "Back when I first met Leslie at 8 years old, we made this little fort in our room from a red blanket. Outside of the blanket fort our lives kind of sucked, but inside, it was just us. She and I would spend hours in there; we even slept in there together. Sometimes we drew pictures, other times we talked, but my favourite thing we did in there were the times Leslie read to me. I don't know if you already know this, but I can't read. So because of that, Leslie used to read to me. We only had one book in our room – The Jungle Book. So every month, or whenever I asked, Leslie would read me The Jungle Book. She read it to me so much that I pretty much memorized the entire thing. Eventually, instead of reading it to each other, we would just recite the story to each other instead. One line at a time. It was funny; my sister and I were never really happy growing up, but when we read The Jungle Book we were just in our own little world. It was like that red blanket just shielded us from reality, y'know? I...I miss those times."

Annie didn't know what to say. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks, but she could also feel herself smiling. The story brought up a lot of questions, but the memory itself was enough to make her heart both melt and break at the same time. It was an odd feeling, so odd that she didn't know what to think about the story itself. She was feeling so many things, including a new appreciation for the blanket fort that Troy and Abed used in her apartment.

"Donnie, I...that's a wonderful memory. I want you to know that if you stick with me here at Greendale, even though you know the story off by heart, you can physically read The Jungle Book to Leslie one day. I'll make sure of it."

Donnie's rather tough exterior suddenly diminished and he gave Annie his first sincere smile since the interview started.

"Thanks Annie, I'm looking forward to that."

Annie suddenly remembered something she'd wanted to ask when Donnie was sharing his memory of the blanket fort. It was a thought that didn't quite match up with the rest of his background.

"Um...Donnie, you said you met your sister when you were 8 years old...does that mean she's your step-sister or...?"

Donnie grew serious again and looked back up at Annie, "No, we're not really related. I just call her my sister because we grew up in the same house since we were kids, and we were probably closer than most actual siblings anyway. I actually have a picture of us together, if you want to see." He then reached inside his jean pocket and removed a tightly folded picture. "We took this one day after sneaking into one of those photo booth things. It's the only thing I have left of her."

Annie reached for the picture as she felt tears welling up in her eyes again. This man's love for his sister was so overwhelming that it made Annie smile despite how sad it was.

But the feeling of being overwhelmed soon turned into shock as Annie opened up the picture.

The woman in the picture looked dirty, she had no makeup on, her long blonde hair was matted and she was wearing a worn leather jacket. But despite all that, she looked extremely happy. Like this was the only life she knew. But the one thing that struck Annie more than anything else was the resemblance that the woman had to another woman she knew. A woman that had been a role model for her in more ways than one. Her best friend.

"...Britta?"


	4. Memories

**A/N: **_Hey everyone! First of all, thanks for the reviews! It really means a lot to me. I love feedback and hearing what you guys think; it's definitely what motivates me to continue my stories. This chapter is more focused on Britta's past, and it's the last chapter before Britta reunites with Donnie. It's important to know that Britta's flashbacks are separated by lines while her inner thoughts are simply italics. Also, I gave this story a unique picture if you didn't notice - It's a screen cap from Gardens of the Night depicting Leslie and Donnie. Enjoy!_

* * *

I opened my eyes to find myself in a familiar looking room. It had a familiar looking bed, a familiar looking small television in front of the bed, and a familiar looking small adjoining room without a door. Inside that other room was another familiar looking bed, with a very familiar red blanket lying neatly on top of it. And on top of that...was an extremely familiar looking boy. A boy who would turn out to be my only pillar of strength for a very long time; although I guess I didn't know that at the time.

The boy wasn't looking at me; in fact he didn't even seem to notice I was here at all. What he was looking at however, was a girl who was sitting on the other bed. She was sitting next to her pillow on top of her sheets with her knees huddle close to her chest. She had her face buried in her knees, and I could hear what appeared to be muffled crying coming from her, though it sounded somewhat echoed.

I was startled suddenly when I heard the echo of a door unlocking behind me. That was another rather familiar sound to me. When the door opened, a man walked in. I instinctively tried to move out of the way for him, but he didn't even acknowledge me and suddenly ran right through me before I could react.

_So it's a dream._

I turned around to notice that the man was now consoling the girl crying on the bed. I knew this man as well, but I couldn't seem to grasp any lasting memories of him. It was strange, since I still felt a connection with him that was completely foreign to me...almost fatherly.

"_Oh no! Leslie honey, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"_

The little girl suddenly raised her head and viciously pushed the man away. There were very evident tears running down her cheeks, and suddenly I knew exactly where I was.

This was Uncle Alex's house...where I grew up with Donnie.

"_I don't believe you! I want my daddy! I don't want to be here anymore! I want my daddy!"_

"_Okay honey, calm down. Everything's going to be alright okay? Of course you can talk to your daddy. He left me his cell phone number so you can call him right now if you like. Would you like to do that?"_

8-year old me stopped crying for a moment to slowly nod. Alex smiled at me.

"_Alright, I'll go get the phone for you. Don't worry, Leslie. Just a little while longer, okay? And don't cry, I hate to see you cry."_

With that, Alex left the room and locked the door behind him. I never understood why he did that until much, much later. I took a moment to look across the room and back at Donnie. He seemed completely unfazed by what just happened and simply sat on the floor in front of my bed to watch television. I had yet to hear him say anything, and I figured I wouldn't for a while.

Alex re-entered the room then holding a small piece of paper in one hand and a cell phone in the other. He sat down on the bed with 8-year old me and handed her both items, smiling.

"_Here you go Leslie. Just dial the number and wait for your daddy to answer. You can keep that, and if he doesn't answer than I'm sure he will soon. Be strong for me, alright? You're a big girl."_

I watched sadly as my younger self's hopes noticeably rose. She seemed so happy, but I knew what was going to happen. The memory was as clear as day now. I didn't want to see it; I just wanted to wake up already from this nightmare.

8-year old me took the phone and eagerly started dialing each number on the paper. When she was finished, she hopefully held the phone to her ear with a big smile on her face. And on the other end was the terrible sound I hated so much, echoed painfully clearer than everything else.

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

My younger self's smile started to fade slightly.

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

Donnie finally looked over at 8-year old me, intrigued. Her smile was gone now, and a frown was starting to form.

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

Tears started forming in my younger self's eyes. Donnie got up from the floor and sat next to her on the bed.

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

**Ring.**

Finally, young me slowly pulled the phone from her ear and pressed the off button. She dropped the phone on the bed next to Donnie and folded up the piece of paper, putting it safely in her pocket. She then brought her knees back up to her chest and resumed crying. Donnie just sat there watching her. Then, still without saying anything, he grabbed her hand and intertwined it with his own while she cried. It was so sweet, but the moment was soon broken by a violent sounding voice from behind the door. It didn't sound like Uncle Alex. It sounded like Uncle Alex's terrible friend Frank that also lived with us. I hated Frank.

"_HEY FUCKTARDS! DINNER!"_

* * *

I woke up against a wall in an alleyway. My knees were huddled against my chest for warmth, and my whole body ached. I stood up and stretched, before walking out of the alley towards the street. After I took a moment to adjust to the piercing morning sunlight, I looked at my surroundings. Relief flooded me as I realized my apartment building across the street. I pulled out my phone to check the time, startled when I realized I had 7 unread messages and 3 missed calls. It was 7:00am, which I was relieved about. I could still get to school, and I would just tell Troy, Abed and Annie that I would explain everything in study group. I groaned while going through each message. I already knew who they were all from.

_**Annie Edison (11:37pm): Hey Britta, I don't want to bother you but it's getting kind of late. We were just wondering where you were? (:**_

_**Troy Barnes (11:56pm): you ok britta?**_

_**Abed Nadir (12:00am): Annie's making me send this. Take all the time you need.**_

_**Annie Edison (12:36am): Are you okay, Britta? I'm getting really worried...**_

_**Troy Barnes (12: 48am): this is seriously not cool anymore!**_

_**Jeff Winger (1:00am): Uh...hey. So Annie called me in hysterics and a lot of the words were incomprehensible, but from what I could gather she wanted me to see if you were okay. So...you okay?**_

_**Annie Edison (1:38am): Abed convinced us that you were okay so we're going to bed. If you don't come back tonight, just make sure you're in study group tomorrow. I hope you're alright...goodnight.**_

I smiled at my friends' genuine concern for me. I suddenly felt bad about not replying to them last night, but then again I wasn't in the right mindset last night either. Something weird had happened to me and I couldn't even remember what had happened after I disposed of the cigarettes. But I supposed if I was close to my building then I was at least becoming sane again towards the end of the night, which comforted me somewhat. Feeling a tiny bit better about the situation, I entered the apartment building and made my way to room 303.

Standing in the elevator on the way up, my thoughts started to wander again. I realized that today was a really big day for me – I was finally going to tell the group about my past, and I was probably going to see Donnie after almost eleven years. It was nerve-racking but it was also a bit relieving. Today was also the day that I could finally stop running. Maybe I wouldn't have to pretend to be this former anarchist with unnecessarily strong opinions on everything anymore. Maybe I was finally ready to just be me.

For the first time in over ten years, I was going to be Leslie Whitehead again.

The elevator opened, and as I walked to my door I found myself hesitating to turn the knob. I felt like this was the first time my friends would see who I really was, even though I wasn't outright telling them yet.

* * *

"_I know I can never be like a dad to you, Leslie...but maybe I could be an Uncle. Would that be alright with you, honey? Uncle Alex?"_

* * *

I finally gathered the courage to turn the knob to my apartment, and apprehensively walked inside.

"Britta!"

Almost immediately I was greeted by Annie throwing her arms around me. She was squeezing me so tight that it was actually really painful, but thankfully she let go quickly.

"Uh...hey," I said guiltily. "Sorry about last night...I had a lot of thinking to do and I guess my phone died."

It was partially a lie, but Annie didn't seem to notice. She just smiled brightly at me.

"We were so worried about you! I'm so glad you're okay."

I returned her smile with a tired one of my own, "I'm fine, but thank you. So, where's Troybed?"

Annie shook her head, "Still sleeping. But they should be up soon. You know they always wait until the last minute to get ready for school...it drives me nuts sometimes."

I grinned at her while hanging up my coat, "Of course."

"Um, Britta?"

I raised my eyebrow at her, "Yeah, Annie?"

Annie put her arms behind her back and looked down at the floor, "Where did you go last night?"

I hesitated, but I reminded myself that my friends deserved to know the whole story now. Just...not yet.

"I'll explain everything today in study group, alright? Right now I just really need a shower."

Annie nodded and then scrunched up her nose, "Yeah, you smell pretty bad actually."

I laughed at her and headed to the washroom while she went back to fixing breakfast.

* * *

"_Come on, this one looks like its empty."_

"_Right."_

"_Do you have the soap?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Well give me it!"_

"_Um, no. I'm using it first."_

"_Over my dead body, Leslie. I'm the one who fucking stole it so I should get to use it first! Give it to me! Give it!"_

"_Oh my god, okay! If you're going to be a cry baby about it..."_

"_Geez! Don't throw it! I could have dropped it and I am NOT using anything on my body that has touched the ground of a public bathroom."_

"_Oh I'm sorry, I guess I didn't notice since our life has been like the ground of a public bathroom for a while now."_

"_Anyone ever tell you that you're the worst, Leslie?"_

"_Nope."_

"_Well you are."_

"_Whatever. Donnie, I swear if that bar of soap goes anywhere near your dick I'm gonna fucking-"_

"_Um...sorry to bother you two, but I don't think you should be washing up in here...it's sort of a public bathroom...and I can see your...y'know."_

"_Why don't you take a picture, freak?" _

"_Look I'm just saying..."_

"_We know what you're saying, and we don't care. Get the fuck outta here and leave my sister and I alone, okay?"_

"_Fine."_

"_Hahahahaha...oh Donnie."_

"_What?"_

"_You're such a gentleman."_

* * *

I sighed as I stepped out of the shower. It seemed like lately everything I did was making me think about life with Donnie eleven years ago. Whereas before I could bury it or escape it, now everywhere I turned there was something that reminded me of my past life. I wiped the condensation off of the mirror with my hand and took a long hard look at the face that stared back at me.

_Who are you Leslie..._

The rest of the morning was spent enduring the cries of joy from Troy, while at the same time avoiding his constant questioning about where I went. Abed was completely normal, like nothing had even happened yesterday that was out of the ordinary. I guess to a degree he was right; I was a 29 year old woman and I could be out late if I wanted. At the same time though, I had avoided the group's questions about where I was last night, and then there was also the whole ordeal of my bolting from the study room yesterday without saying a word.

Ugh...this was going to be a difficult conversation to get through.

"-So anyway, I'm going to meet him for the first time today."

I subconsciously nodded in Annie's direction, "Oh."

The four of us were in Annie's car now driving to school. Troy and Abed were engaged in what looked to be a very animated conversation about Blowponds or whatever they were called, and Annie was talking to me although I didn't really notice her. I was too busy trying figure out how I was going to explain everything to the group. It wasn't something you could just blurt to them. I was running all of the different ways of approaching the topic in my head, and none of them were sounding right.

_"So first thing's first you guys, my name's not Britta, it's Leslie. I was kidnapped as a child and became a homeless prostitute in my teens with my brother."_

Nope. That wasn't going to work.


	5. Just Trying to Help

**A/N:** _Okay so I know I said that Leslie and Donnie reuinte in this chapter but it's going to have to be next chapter instead. I'm sorry, but while writing this chapter I just got a really good idea and decided to go that direction instead. Enjoy and review, as always. :)_

* * *

"Can you hear me?"

Annie snapped out of her trance and looked up at Donnie, who was looking at her expectantly with his hand outstretched.

"You mind?"

"Oh, right. I'm sorry," said Annie while returning the picture to the man across from her.

_That's Britta...I know it is. She looks a bit younger and definitely way dirtier, but it's her. She's Donnie's sister...she's Leslie. And that means today in study group..._

"Hey!"

Annie again looked back at Donnie, who was now noticeably annoyed.

"What the hell is your problem right now?" he asked, sounding exasperated.

"Oh...um, nothing. Sorry again, I was just thinking about something," she said guiltily.

_I need to get to Britta before he sees her here._

"Is it about my picture? Does my sister look familiar to you?"

Annie flushed slightly, but managed to regain her calm demeanor, "No, I'm sorry. That picture just made me think of all the hardship you guys would've had to have gone through together."

Donnie narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, but he seemed to believe this.

"Yeah. Wasn't great. And it only got harder after she left."

Annie raised her eyebrow at him, "What do you mean 'left' Donnie? I thought you said you two were separated?"

He sat back in his chair and looked away from her, "Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated right now? Is this part of your stupid job?"

Annie was taken aback at Donnie's sudden rudeness. Sure, he'd been a little short with her at the start of this interview, but now he was just being flat out impolite. She knew that she could technically reject him from the program, but she also knew that wasn't going to happen.

So instead, Annie simply said, "No and I apologize. And I think this is as good a time as any to call it a day."

Donnie stood up and gathered his backpack, "I agree completely."

Annie tried her best to ignore the obvious passive aggressiveness in his tone and plastered a fake smile on her face. She extended her hand to him, which he shook.

"Thank you for coming in to speak with me today, Donnie. It was very nice meeting you. What's going to happen now is I'm going to direct you to a section of the library that we've reserved for you guys to hangout in and sleep in. After you've familiarized yourself with the area, feel free to explore the rest of the school and make conversation with people. Most of us here at Greendale are friendly, but I would suggest avoiding the older students...they can be a handful."

Donnie simply nodded. He didn't seem to even be listening to most of what Annie had told him.

_Whatever. He'll lighten up to me once he finds out I'm best friends with his sister._

They walked in a slightly awkward silence to the lounge area that the dean had set up for the new students. Annie was relieved when they finally arrived, as she noticed that it was about 20 minutes until study group. She really needed to talk to Britta before then.

"Well Donnie, I'm going to go now, but I'll see you tomorrow when the program officially starts. Enjoy the rest of your day and have a good night!"

"Thanks."

Annie practically ran from the new student lounge. She really needed to find Britta _now_. She had so many questions bottled up inside her and even though she knew that they would probably all be answered in study group, she also knew she had more chance of missing something important if there was a group dynamic involved when Britta told them everything. Especially if it was _their _group dynamic, which included Pierce Hawthorne.

That was the other problem. Annie's interview with Donnie had only contributed to her growing anxiety that Britta's past was a lot more dark than she initially thought it was. If she did indeed reveal _everything _to the group today, there's no way that everyone would react appropriately. Pierce would inevitably make some sort of insensitive comment, and with a subject so fragile Annie feared it could utterly ruin Britta, or maybe even cause her to completely snap. There was also the problem of Abed, whom Annie loved dearly, but who she also knew had extreme difficulty grasping most emotional responses from people. He could certainly offend Britta as well in study group, and even though he wouldn't realize it, it could arguably be harsher than even Pierce's reaction. Annie suddenly realized how dangerous this situation was, and partially blamed herself for letting Britta go through with it.

She needed to find her before it happened.

She raced down the different hallways, passing her locker and the dean's office before finally spotting Britta in a nearby stairwell. She was sitting on the windowsill, and she appeared to be taking deep breaths.

"Hey."

Britta jumped slightly and turned her head towards Annie, "Oh, hey. You scared me there."

Annie allowed herself to laugh lightly for a moment, "Sorry."

Britta made room on the windowsill for her, "I come here to think sometimes. Was there something you needed that couldn't wait until study group? Which is in 10 minutes by the way?"

Annie turned towards her blonde friend, "There was actually..."

Britta just looked at her expectantly. Annie took a deep breath before continuing.

"I...know you."

Britta laughed, "Yeah? And?"

Annie looked down at the windowsill.

_Here goes nothing..._

"Leslie."

* * *

"_Leslie!"_

"_What?"_

"_This dumpster totally has unopened bags of chips in it!"_

"_Seriously?"_

"_Yeah! Come on; help me get these out of here!"_

"_Man, what retard just throws away perfectly good chips?"_

"_Probably some rich douche."_

"_Hey, look what else is in here."_

"_What is that?"_

"_I don't know...looks like napkins or something. It says Hawthorne Wipes on it."_

"_Sound familiar?"_

"_Nope. But we might as well take it, it's unopened."_

* * *

I jumped down from the windowsill and walked slowly away from Annie, "How long have you known?"

I heard her voice from behind me, "About an hour now."

Suddenly I felt angry. What the hell was Annie doing? Why was she confronting me about this alone? I had an entire plan set up for how I was going to tell this to the group and she just completely threw it out of wack. I spun towards her.

"And you couldn't wait ten minutes?"

Annie gave me a surprised look, "Well...no. I mean, I was thinking that-"

"No you weren't! You weren't thinking. I was gone yesterday because I wasn't in the right mindset about anything after I found out Donnie was going here now. It took me all night to try and come up with some way to explain things to you guys. And now you're here, and everything is all jumbled up again in my head. I had a plan and you just completely ruined it."

"That wasn't my intention, I swear!"

I glared at her, my anger rising, "Do you know what I did last night, Annie?"

She looked down at the ground, "No..."

"I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes. Then after smoking one, I realized I had walked into the part of Greendale that _you_ are ironically somewhat familiar with. Then a man comes up to me and asks me to have sex with him, because he thinks I'm a whore. I don't even know what happened after that, but the next thing I knew I was waking up in the middle of some alley after sleeping there for the _entire_ night."

Annie looked up at me wide eyed. Her mouth was also hanging open slightly, "Britta!"

I laughed at her darkly, "You might as well call me Leslie, Annie. After all, you do know everything about me now right? Or wait, did Donnie just tell you my real name...if I had to guess I would say that's pretty accurate. Especially considering he hates talking about our past just as much as I do!"

Annie's expression suddenly became more serious, "Then why were you going to tell everyone at study group all about it today?"

"Because I didn't have a choice! Annie, please. You know that our friends, yourself included, would never let what I did yesterday go for good. And with you doing this stupid guidance shit, you really think I could have kept the lid on it much longer anyway? I knew from the moment you mentioned my brother's name yesterday that I was screwed, but you guys are my friends so I decided to just bite the bullet. But now? Now you come sauntering up to me saying my real name like it means something by itself! But the fact remains that you don't know shit and you're just fucking with me head!"

"Britta!"

"It's Leslie! I already told you there's no goddamn point in-"

"I know about The Jungle Book!"

"..."

* * *

"_Why are the monkeys bad, Leslie?"_

"_Because they cause Mowgli to do bad things. See Donnie, Mowgli needs people in his life like Baloo to tell him what to do, because if he does what he wants he becomes like the monkeys."_

"_But why are they bad?"_

"_Because they act nice, but then they make Mowgli do things he doesn't want to do. But he still does them anyway."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because he doesn't have Baloo."_

* * *

The silence that followed Annie's declaration was extremely intense. My mind was trying to decide whether to figure how much Annie knew about that, or how much I wanted to remember. But soon I was jarred from my thoughts when Annie finally broke the silence.

"Britta...I'm sorry. I just wanted to try and talk to you first before the group knew because they would have been really immature about it. We need to figure out how explain this in a way that benefits both you and the group so everyone stops asking questions."

"First of all, you can't say anything about maturity right now, Annie. And second, that's impossible. For god sakes they don't even know my real name!"

"I didn't say it would be easy, but it _is _possible to have this not affect the group dynamic."

I wanted to laugh at how ridiculous she was being. She literally knew nothing about what I had been through in my life, and already she was jumping to conclusions about how the group would react. Instead of laughing though, I felt tears falling down my face.

"I'm going to say some things to you, Annie. You're not going to like them, and you're probably going to dwell on them for a while, but I'm going to say them anyway since you're so eager to know about my life. Ready?"

Annie didn't respond, she just looked at me, confused. I took that as a sign to continue.

"Kidnapping, Molestation, Child Pornography, Physical Abuse, Mental Abuse, Prostitution Rings, Drugs, Smoking, Homeless, Sadness, Regret, Sleepless Nights, Nightmares, Hunger, Stench, Cold, Illiterate, Grief...and Donnie."

With that I walked down the staircase and out the door, leaving Annie standing there to comprehend my words. It was obvious that after what just happened talking to the rest of the group would be hard, but maybe there was still one person I could talk to.

I just hoped he wanted to see me.


End file.
